Jen's Movie Reviews

Resident Evil 3: Sucks

2008-08-18T08:30:00.002-04:00

Not surprisingly this video game movie is crap. I have a girl crush on Milla Jovavich, but I was not digging this lesbian hair cut. Strike one.

The premise of the Resident Evil movies, is something to do with zombies and experiments gone awry. This is the third installment, so we are seeing how things look some time after everything went to shit. It doesn't *really* matter because nothing makes sense and all of the conversation and idea is merely a set up to show off some geeks latest brilliant CGI discovery. Nothing looks real because it is CGI, except for the humans who barely look real because they defy laws of gravity and common sense.

I will say that some of the visuals in this were interesting. The scenes of Las Vegas taken by the desert were pretty neat. However, the main "bad guy" was so badly rendered that one could only laugh. Yes I know in a video game they need an impossible bad guy but this was just stupid. Also, why did they need to clone her, if she was living and running around about ten feet away from their base?

Anyway, the movie was pretty stupid BUT as far as video game movies go, it's not unwatchable like most.

Hancock

2008-07-19T09:18:00.005-04:00

We saw another action movie called Hancock.

The movie begins as you would expect: a punk played by Will Smiff is blessed with super hero powers. What does he do but lay around drinking and not paying taxes. When he decides to save people, he ends up making more damage. He's fallen out of favor with the public, naturally, and even kids lecture him for being a drunken bum.

He meets a buddy with a heart of gold who wants to save the world. Being a PR guy, and rescued by Hancock in another destructive sequence, the guy sits him down to figure out a way to reform his ways. What does he do? Make him go to prison for those outstanding warrants, so he can show the public he isn't so bad. There's some talk of loneliness and despair. Waa!

They let him out and that's when he becomes a "good" super hero. The movie is then bogged down by exposition and an explanation for his powers that is otherworldly, and would be cool if it weren't presented in such a boring way. Charlize Theron does a lot of staring at him looking weepy so anyone with half a wit would know she's involved with him in some way. You might be surprised how, or maybe not.

I think Hancock tries to be different than the other super hero movies, but the inclusion of Will Smith as the main character is annoying. Everyone and their mother loves this guy, am I the only person that can't stand him? I have given a chance for a couple action movies that everyone raved about this season, and been disappointed as usual.

Hell's Kitchen (TV Show)

2008-05-27T07:18:00.001-04:00

I strayed from the course of movie watching to watch the first season of TV show Hell's Kitchen. We're a little behind being as they're airing Season 4 or something.

Ten people compete to show their skills to top notch Chef Ramsay, in order to win the coveted prize of a restaurant of their very own. He shouts and insults them while they scurry about the kitchen trying not to blow their own stack when he tells them they're stupid for doing this or that. Some of the boneheaded stuff the people do in the kitchen is amusing too. Why is this entertainment? I don't want to analyze it too much.

The season only has ten episodes. You don't really get to know the contenders and they all seem like they must suck at cooking as that's how it's edited. I say, "I could make tuna better than that!" That is untrue but it is fun to make fun of them when they screw up over and again. Restaurant patrons spit out their food sometimes, but mostly they just sit there waiting and never get any food (they are obviously really there to be on TV, but we won't dwell on that).

So yeah that's my guilty pleasure lately. Back to movies once we wrap this up!

Prince Caspian

2008-05-17T09:29:00.007-04:00

We went to see Prince Caspian with the kiddo - it just came out yesterday. I am surprised we have been able to hit the theater twice in one month seeing as it was like ten since we've gone.

You should definitely not watch this movie if you haven't seen the first, as scenes where they refer to the first (extraneous and pointless in the case of the "witch" scene) would be total nonsense to you otherwise.

Prince Caspian is the sequel to the first Narnia movie, and this action takes place in Narnia hundreds of years after those events, though the main characters have only aged a couple years or so in the real world. If you can understand that sentence, these movies are likely up your alley. Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy all return in their mythical roles as the queens and kings of yesteryear as they do battle against the new foes that have kept the peaceful, albeit often unattractive, denizens of Narnia in hiding. They join up with Prince Caspian who is ousted by an evil power hungry uncle along with a bevy of critters and "little people". The movie is so similar to Lord of the Rings that I expected a couple hobbits to show up, but no dice.

Our young heroes focus is to do battle against the oppressive regime, but the battle scenes are confusing at best. Also, I am not sure if it is supposed to be funny to watch centaurs clip clopping at high speeds brandishing swords, but it was. There are some touching moments, particularly with the youngest kid Lucy as she bonds with some of unlikely friends in this otherworldly habitat, but I felt that the rest of the picture was lacking in emotion, other than bouts of anger. One of the best parts about the first movie was watching the younger boy, Edmund, betray his siblings and redeem himself. In this movie, everyone's just arguing and fighting.

It's a violent movie and one should consider this with the younger family members. One should also take pains to get your needs met prior to the film as it is long. If the kids liked the first one, they'll likely enjoy this one, but if you think it's going to be a fun fantasy adventure, guess again!

Iron Man

2008-05-10T07:57:00.006-04:00

I went to the theater just for you blog, to see Iron Man.

When I go to the theater I am always distracted by my butt cheeks. They get sore about an hour in. I shift weight to take the pressure off one side, it helps, but it is distracting too.

I thought for sure the hype would live up to my expectations, so it was inevitable that I wouldn't be as impressed. Still on all counts, an entertaining movie. Robert Downey Junior was terrific as Tony Stark.

I'm ignorant on comic book lore and wasn't entirely following the story. At times I felt I was watching a sequel to a movie I'd not seen before. Basically, a guy is caught in crossfire in Afghanistan and he develops a suit to escape. He has an epiphany about his role in making and distributing weapons and realizes that he should try to rectify his mistakes by being you guessed it, a super hero.

There's a blossoming love story too involving Pepper (Gwyneth Paltrow). That's the part where I reach for the popcorn, head to the bathroom to pee, flex my glutes, etc.

There's a lot of explosions, and geek talk. I wasn't bored in spite of my occasional confusion. Iron Man wasn't a bad movie by any stretch. It was great for an action movie and an interesting story line. The acting wasn't cheesy either. Good job Jon Favreau!

Children's Movies

2008-05-04T06:43:00.009-04:00

Unfortunately for my movie reviews blog, lately all I've been watching is children's movies out on DVD with my 8 year old. She has given all of the following movies a thumbs up - so at least you might have a sense what you're in store for on family movie night. I'll toss them all into one post for the parents out there.

Enchanted: I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. Enchanted is a bit parody / homage. Paying homage to Disney Princess movies sounds lame, but it kinda works here. The opening sequence sucks you in with its humor and fun. Princess Giselle is a perky mix of the Disney princesses living in an animated world. But her fate takes a turn when she lands in NYC due to a wicked stepmother's evil plot. There are some genuinely funny moments, and the way they incorporate fantasy and reality together is well done. I definitely recommend this movie, and not just for the young princesses in the family.

Ratatouille: Ratatouille is about a rat with higher aspirations than his thieving vermin friends. After getting lost and winding up in a restaurant in Paris, he figures out how to play puppeteer with a young clumsy garbage boy, in order to achieve his goals of being a master chef. Another pleasant movie that will make you smile, and a premise that is unique and entertaining.

Meet the Robinsons: While amusing at times, I found the movie tedious for the most part. A young orphan boy has aspirations to be an inventor, only his obsession hinders his ability to be placed with a family. As he goes on a quest to recover his past, he winds up lurking in the future. While there are a couple of twists and some interesting animated effects, there wasn't a whole lot of funny going on here and the villain looks like Jack the Ripper. Too noisy and Nickelodean-esque for my taste.

A movie that you would be wise to avoid at all costs, letting the kids sit through this one alone, is Alvin and the Chipmunks. This is a terrible movie. The jokes aren't funny, the chipmunks are unlikeable, and the humans are pretty annoying as well. What could have been a decent commentary on child star parents wound up a superficial mess whose main message seems to be "Don't tucker out the child stars when you exploit the hell out of them". Awful.

There Will Be Blood

2008-04-30T07:29:00.005-04:00

I am pleased to announce a movie I enjoyed. I don't want to spoil any of it, so I'll just blurb and recommend it.

There Will be Blood is about Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day Lewis) as a prospector in the late 1800s and the movie chronologically shows events that depict his misanthropic greed, and quest for money. The disturbing look at a man's psyche as he uses others to get ahead, is done so well here.

The pacing, the scenery and the acting in the movie is superb. Paul Thomas Anderson delivers once again! I highly recommend the movie both for its historical relevance (and modern comparisons can be made too) and the fact it's just good on all counts.

Juno

2008-04-29T07:00:00.006-04:00

Juno is a comedy/drama about teen pregnancy. I have to apologize for the crankiness of this review. By all accounts I found it a lighthearted if a little sappy. Nothing terrible and even some moments where I smiled. But nonetheless some of the movie irritated me and it's hard to avoid touching on that.

Juno is a teenage girl who gets knocked up in a moment of bored sex with her best friend. Enter the witty quips and references to yesteryear from the mouth of a kid; does Hollywood ever have any normal kids that don't sound like they're channeling thirty year olds? Not saying that fifteen is too young to be witty or clever (I certainly was) but she's just well, too witty and clever.

As she resigns herself to the situation at hand, we see her going through the standard motions of what to do in this scenario: first she considers abortion but finds the concept unsettling after a short while in the abortion clinic. Then she decides to find the perfect parents to raise her bundle of joy. She does this with a loving and supportive set of friends and family, that almost makes me wonder if it's not a little sad to be giving the baby away when such a cool family is right there for it. Of course - that's just me, who lived it.

The movie turns far better when potential parents, Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman whose screen names escape me, enter the picture. They are what at first seems like a perfect couple plagued with the misfortune of infertility, but we begin to realize the man of the house has a different dream. Their relationship and performances are the best things about the movie and the only ones that were realistic to some extent.

The movie was funny, in a quirky way. I'm not saying it wasn't a good movie but I did find Juno annoying to listen to at times. I also object to the use of the phrase "Honest to blog".

The Mist

2008-04-26T09:45:00.010-04:00

Legendary? I reckon not. The Mist is based on a novella by Stephen King. To be fair, I read it ages ago and thought it was entertaining. The premise: A mysterious mist settles over a rural town after a storm. Some of the residents in town head to the local supermarket to purchase some supplies, only to find that the mist is spreading over the town, and there are "things" in the mist. Once it is ascertained how the mist came about you can say, at least it wasn't a virus this time - though equally disturbing experimentation should really be monitored more closely (those darned military keep dropping the ball!)

Over time we discover these creatures to be some hungry or poisonous monsters, such as giant bugs and other stuff we aren't sure what it is. A tentacled beast emerges to eat one of the unwitting hicks who is sent out to fix the generator in an overly gruesome scene. There wasn't much dread here after it was deduced what's out there- mostly we just had to endure panicky, fast motion scenes of screaming and swatting giant bugs. There's one scary scene involving spiders, but we all know spiders are bad ass.

Some of the supermarket residents start to cope by becoming members of the church of the religious kook in their midst. As she thumps her bible hard core, they stand in a trance of orgiastic religious fervor. Then it becomes apparent that she's really off her rocker, as she thinks that the only way to thwart the beasts is tossing innocent bystanders into their hungry mouths. She's the Mom from Carrie with a congregation: Look out!

Of course, the other people aren't all that intelligent, and their demise is impossible to take seriously. In the final scene, the music swells, and then we are handed the obligatory "ironic" twist at the end.

Overall, I thought it was crap on many levels but for a horror movie buff, they may enjoy the gore. I usually compare my thoughts on a movie to what the critics say on Rotten Tomatoes. There was a 70% good for this movie and I thought it was utter crap - maybe I'm just becoming too cynical.

readme

2008-04-25T09:54:00.000-04:00

My husband and I rent or buy movies on a fairly frequent basis, having no social life to speak of, and I decided to start a blog so I can share my opinions on movies.

I tend to be sarcastic and use pictures to make my points. I will also make fun of celebrities and go off on unrelated tangents. I don't consider myself a great expert, just a bigmouth that likes to watch movies occasionally.

I rarely visit the theater so these will be movies already out on DVD. My hope is to entertain more than to inform people's decisions to watch movies, as there are spoilers galore in my reviews. Now I'm off to watch movies so I have something to blog about.